Though compatibility is good and enjoyable as far as it goes, it never goes far enough to make a successful marriage. That’s because it stays mired in the self. Compatibility is ultimately about finding someone who is compatible with me. Compatibility is about my feeling good about being with someone else who shares my interests, blends with my personality traits, shares my values. Biblical marriage is something altogether different, but at the core isn’t much different from the rest of the Christian life: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:3-5). Jesus, in fact, had little in common with the people on planet Earth. The chasm between him and us is the difference between the infinite and the finite, holiness and sinfulness, God and man. But he didn’t count compatibility with God a thing to be grasped, Paul says. Instead he emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, of those who were markedly incompatible with him.
Notes
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